i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
