textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
