Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
