Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
