I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
