I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
