Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
