So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
