Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
