Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
