nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
