my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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