The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
