I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
