can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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