guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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