Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
