oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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