i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
