Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
