i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
