I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
