I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
