I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
