Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
