Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
