First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
