my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
