I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
