yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize