Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
