you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
