At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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