Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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