I'm so fucking centered right now
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
