Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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