is wine microwaveable?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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