My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
