Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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