well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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