So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
