i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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