You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
