Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
