this beer tastes like vomit already
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
