I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
