we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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