Where is the hickey?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
