no, he came in my armpit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
