i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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