I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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