i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
