I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
